I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
