didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Please, let me fuck your mom
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
