Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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