another moral hangover. fuck.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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