I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
