Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
