I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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