Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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