It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
