You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
