I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just blew my weed a kiss
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
