Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
