Just fell off a train. Bad.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
