I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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