Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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