the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
