Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
