So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
