No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
