she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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