ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
