I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
