He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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