I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
