i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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