Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
