How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
