I cockslap morals
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night