I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life