Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps