I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The uberlube is also flammable
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
