you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.