i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.