Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize