My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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