She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
