Will you blow on my dice?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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