just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
