sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
