Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think my fart just growled at me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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