She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
