I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
