There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
