Please don't use social media to get back at me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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