I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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