I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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