How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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