apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
