I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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