If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
