you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
