I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
