went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The uberlube is also flammable
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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