I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
