I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
