Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
