I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
