Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My ATM looks so different sober.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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