dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
