I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
