Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
