my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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