You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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