My brain says no but my pants say off.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
