I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
