so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
