An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
