apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
