the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
