I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
