Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm bleeding and have questions
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
