My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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