The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
