Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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