Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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