hotel room ftw
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
