I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
